These kids are out of control. If I found out my kid had been involved with this, well, personally I would be devastated because I had been an awful parent and, second I was raising an awful kid. Am not sure right off the bat after reading this what I would do, I dont have kids, and do not know the challenge of raising humans. I would apologize to the family that this happened to. And restructure something in my own family. I have never understood why this would be fun for kids to do this to someone else;s property. One time, when I was a teenager, a friend invited me to a party, and I usually didn't go to them, but I thought ok, and when I showed up it was much like this scene in this article, needless to say, I stayed about 5 minutes and went back home. It's disrespectful and a lack of morals. So, honestly Anne Marie, I don't know what I would do. I find this behavior intolerable, and I guess I would have to go from there, my child would have to take responsibility in some way. I feel there is alot of drawbacks of these "social networks" for young people to be involved with in these technological times.
Television is to be blamed. I swear. They watch (the teens) too much television; those reality shows from Mtv and that Jersey Shore show. They are raised isolated from having dinner with their family, from conversing with their parents; they (kids) roll their eyes their parents confront them and they are never corrected out of fear and from a sense of loss. Where did my little girl go to, the parents wonder. I did not raise my son to behave that way, they claim. But they had quit parenting because they work too much to support the peer intimidation of fashion labels to put on their kid's backs, and to pay for the television their children watch in their bedrooms, and the cell phone bills and the cell phones and the other gadgets ... work = isolation. The family home (their own) becomes a play pen. And this other home became a play pen. And because they don't buy gadgets for themselves because if they work they blow their earnings on cigs and drugs, they have no idea what these toys could mean to someone else. They live unearned, abandoned lives. And this home invasion will not be remembered by them, not really, in a few years when they'll breed and marry and act kind and attend church and work and work and stuff their babies into day care and sit them in front of the television....
HI Anne-Marie, do you mean the parent of the child with the ruined house? What can they do? Were I the parent of the other children, my kid would be over there working off the damage and grounded as well.
String, I was indeed referring to the house-invaded parents. They've gotten a bit of flack from online comments suggesting that they need to launch civil suits against the parents of those responsible. Can't say I disagree with that at all. I get the sense the ball was dropped all over the place- from the daughter not taking action when she forgot/lost her keys, from the family not letting neighbours know they were going, and then neighbours waiting for days to get involved, and then from parents and guilty teenagers looking the other way, the whole thing is a clusterfuck of apathy and irresponsibility.
What I didn't say in my initial post is that I am very aware of some of the people involved, and it really makes my head shake. It also reminds me of how glad I am that I moved out of that neighbourhood- being better off doesn't always make you better.
Sadly enough, it sounds like an all-too-familiar experience to me, Anne-Marie. Although, when my house was trashed in our absence, it was my own daughter's one-night party that triggered the carnage.
It was in our own local news and the perpetrators were protected by a each others' code of silence. Since then, I have learned some of the names, but no one has even whispered anything close to an apology. Although, not innocent by any stretch of the imagination and because no one acknowledged any responsibility, my daughter has born the entire brunt of the blame. And I have also born the stigma of being the parent of someone who would do such a thing. It was flung once, stingingly, in my face by a person who's house I was looking at to rent a few years later. I left the yard in tears, (But similarly knowing this person was someone whom I could not respect on other levels). It's a small town.
If I were a parent of one of those children who were "guests" at either one of those parties, I would have made an apologetic phonecall as quick as a wink. My own child would have been marched down there and would have, at the very, VERY least, had to make a similar, if not even more heart-felt apology face-to-face with the home owner!
Once more, some of the youths at the party at my home were children of prominent business owners, who held in high esteem by our valley residents. Our former Mayor, for instance.
On a personal note, the most heart-wrenching thing I experienced, was seeing Jenny's bedroom furniture in pieces and her personal treasures scattered about her room. Another thing that moved me to tears, was picking up the shattered remnants of my beautiful potted plants that were smashed beyond recognition.
As far as the home-owner parent is concerned, my own hands were tied. I spoke on several occasions to the police, Family and Victims of Violence counselors, as well as the newspapers. Apparently the law was not on my side. I was unable to do anything, except salvage what I had, phyically and emotionally, be glad that everyone involved was safe, then move on.
Beth has since matured and she and I have made our peace.
Interestingly, the majority of comments here are from those who have no children.
Having now read the article and all the comments here, I totally understand Dale's feelings as the victim parent with no back-up from society or the law. Children have far too much power these days. I'm sorry for saying this, but I think it's outrageous there can be as few repercussions for anti social behaviour as there are these days.
I feel deeply sorry for the victim family. Sure the daughter should have got her key back, and sure the parents should have warned neighbours they were going away...in retrospect. But who ever would anticipate such wild and almost feral behaviour from children who are 'supposed' to be from a civilised world. I am appalled that none of the other parents have sought to redress the situation. As String says, if any of them were mine, they would be over there helping to repair, re-paint and restore the damage. They would also be made very aware of the shameful way in which they had behaved, and yes..being grounded would be the minimum.
It's not just TV now. I think the interactive nature of social networking sites like FB, Skype, Twitter etc have incredible benefits, but also incredible dangers. People, especially the young can share their lives virtually and even vicariously through these sites without ever having any checks on their behaviour, and this spills over into their real lives with often devastating consequences to the people around them. I am just so glad my daughters grew up in a world without TV for the most part and certainly without the Internet. Life was much simpler and much more real then. They learnt very early on that 'no man is an island'.
I do know what it is like to have had strangers enter the home, my home was burgled while I was away.
Having read the account plus comments. My first step would be to send a registered letter & a bill of costs listing the damage to every known & suspected parent saying that I was seeking damages. Along side of that I would contact the schoolheads and also contact the local media & ask for their support.
Dale, if I remember right, this happened in your home, and so it would have presented some difficulties in terms of trespassing. In the case of this family, no one was actually home and I would think a minimal charge you could stick all these kids with would at least be that, and then go from there. I find it unbelievable that there is no legal recourse, although many of the newspaper readers have suggested some kind of civil action. I hope the family goes through with that, just to get some kind of resolution. I can't imagine myself, personally, letting people get away with it without attempting to get some kind of justice or restitution.
Ideally I would try to find some way to make the parents of the out-of-control kids to own up that their kids are responsible and take responsibility for them. Then I would have the kids to repair the damage they did with their own hands, to teach them responsibility for their own actions. But in reality I would probably despair because achieving something like this would be almost impossible.
12 comments:
These kids are out of control.
If I found out my kid had been involved with this, well, personally I would be devastated because I had been an awful parent and, second I was raising an awful kid. Am not sure right off the bat after reading this what I would do, I dont have kids, and do not know the challenge of raising humans. I would apologize to the family that this happened to. And restructure something in my own family. I have never understood why this would be fun for kids to do this to someone else;s property. One time, when I was a teenager, a friend invited me to a party, and I usually didn't go to them, but I thought ok, and when I showed up it was much like this scene in this article, needless to say, I stayed about 5 minutes and went back home. It's disrespectful and a lack of morals.
So, honestly Anne Marie, I don't know what I would do. I find this behavior intolerable, and I guess I would have to go from there, my child would have to take responsibility in some way.
I feel there is alot of drawbacks of these "social networks" for young people to be involved with in these technological times.
Television is to be blamed. I swear. They watch (the teens) too much television; those reality shows from Mtv and that Jersey Shore show. They are raised isolated from having dinner with their family, from conversing with their parents; they (kids) roll their eyes their parents confront them and they are never corrected out of fear and from a sense of loss. Where did my little girl go to, the parents wonder. I did not raise my son to behave that way, they claim. But they had quit parenting because they work too much to support the peer intimidation of fashion labels to put on their kid's backs, and to pay for the television their children watch in their bedrooms, and the cell phone bills and the cell phones and the other gadgets ... work = isolation. The family home (their own) becomes a play pen. And this other home became a play pen. And because they don't buy gadgets for themselves because if they work they blow their earnings on cigs and drugs, they have no idea what these toys could mean to someone else. They live unearned, abandoned lives. And this home invasion will not be remembered by them, not really, in a few years when they'll breed and marry and act kind and attend church and work and work and stuff their babies into day care and sit them in front of the television....
That's what I believe.
HI Anne-Marie, do you mean the parent of the child with the ruined house? What can they do? Were I the parent of the other children, my kid would be over there working off the damage and grounded as well.
String, I was indeed referring to the house-invaded parents. They've gotten a bit of flack from online comments suggesting that they need to launch civil suits against the parents of those responsible. Can't say I disagree with that at all. I get the sense the ball was dropped all over the place- from the daughter not taking action when she forgot/lost her keys, from the family not letting neighbours know they were going, and then neighbours waiting for days to get involved, and then from parents and guilty teenagers looking the other way, the whole thing is a clusterfuck of apathy and irresponsibility.
What I didn't say in my initial post is that I am very aware of some of the people involved, and it really makes my head shake. It also reminds me of how glad I am that I moved out of that neighbourhood- being better off doesn't always make you better.
Sadly enough, it sounds like an all-too-familiar experience to me, Anne-Marie.
Although, when my house was trashed in our absence, it was my own daughter's one-night party that triggered the carnage.
It was in our own local news and the perpetrators were protected by a each others' code of silence. Since then, I have learned some of the names, but no one has even whispered anything close to an apology.
Although, not innocent by any stretch of the imagination and because no one acknowledged any responsibility, my daughter has born the entire brunt of the blame.
And I have also born the stigma of being the parent of someone who would do such a thing.
It was flung once, stingingly, in my face by a person who's house I was looking at to rent a few years later. I left the yard in tears, (But similarly knowing this person was someone whom I could not respect on other levels).
It's a small town.
If I were a parent of one of those children who were "guests" at either one of those parties, I would have made an apologetic phonecall as quick as a wink.
My own child would have been marched down there and would have, at the very, VERY least, had to make a similar, if not even more heart-felt apology face-to-face with the home owner!
Once more, some of the youths at the party at my home were children of prominent business owners, who held in high esteem by our valley residents. Our former Mayor, for instance.
On a personal note, the most heart-wrenching thing I experienced, was seeing Jenny's bedroom furniture in pieces and her personal treasures scattered about her room.
Another thing that moved me to tears, was picking up the shattered remnants of my beautiful potted plants that were smashed beyond recognition.
I have moved on.
As far as the home-owner parent is concerned, my own hands were tied.
I spoke on several occasions to the police, Family and Victims of Violence counselors, as well as the newspapers.
Apparently the law was not on my side.
I was unable to do anything, except salvage what I had, phyically and emotionally, be glad that everyone involved was safe, then move on.
Beth has since matured and she and I have made our peace.
Interestingly, the majority of comments here are from those who have no children.
Having now read the article and all the comments here, I totally understand Dale's feelings as the victim parent with no back-up from society or the law. Children have far too much power these days. I'm sorry for saying this, but I think it's outrageous there can be as few repercussions for anti social behaviour as there are these days.
I feel deeply sorry for the victim family. Sure the daughter should have got her key back, and sure the parents should have warned neighbours they were going away...in retrospect. But who ever would anticipate such wild and almost feral behaviour from children who are 'supposed' to be from a civilised world. I am appalled that none of the other parents have sought to redress the situation. As String says, if any of them were mine, they would be over there helping to repair, re-paint and restore the damage. They would also be made very aware of the shameful way in which they had behaved, and yes..being grounded would be the minimum.
It's not just TV now. I think the interactive nature of social networking sites like FB, Skype, Twitter etc have incredible benefits, but also incredible dangers. People, especially the young can share their lives virtually and even vicariously through these sites without ever having any checks on their behaviour, and this spills over into their real lives with often devastating consequences to the people around them. I am just so glad my daughters grew up in a world without TV for the most part and certainly without the Internet. Life was much simpler and much more real then. They learnt very early on that 'no man is an island'.
I do know what it is like to have had strangers enter the home, my home was burgled while I was away.
Having read the account plus comments. My first step would be to send a registered letter & a bill of costs listing the damage to every known & suspected parent saying that I was seeking damages. Along side of that I would contact the schoolheads and also contact the local media & ask for their support.
Dale, if I remember right, this happened in your home, and so it would have presented some difficulties in terms of trespassing. In the case of this family, no one was actually home and I would think a minimal charge you could stick all these kids with would at least be that, and then go from there. I find it unbelievable that there is no legal recourse, although many of the newspaper readers have suggested some kind of civil action. I hope the family goes through with that, just to get some kind of resolution. I can't imagine myself, personally, letting people get away with it without attempting to get some kind of justice or restitution.
Ideally I would try to find some way to make the parents of the out-of-control kids to own up that their kids are responsible and take responsibility for them. Then I would have the kids to repair the damage they did with their own hands, to teach them responsibility for their own actions. But in reality I would probably despair because achieving something like this would be almost impossible.
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