For me, the end of December is usually marked by a birthday sandwiched between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, usually spent further south on a tropical beach. For 2020, the shoreline is local, and the white sand is actually snow. On Sunday, I celebrated my 58th birthday with a lovely morning walk in a local lakeside park with a few close friends; the rest of the day was spent relaxing and receiving texts, messages, and a few phone calls from dear friends and family.
By the end of the evening, I was overwhelmed with the feeling of immense love and joy, so much so that it made me cry. In a year that’s been raw and emotional, it was a wonderful day that I will remember as truly special.
Birthday nightcaps.
What a year it’s been, hasn’t it? It has been a long and uneven haul, and to quote one of my lovely Scottish pals who has a way with words, “Aye, it’s been shite.” Not many of us can truthfully say that we haven’t struggled with some aspect of the pandemic, whether it’s manifested as a kind of anxiety, depression, anger, impatience, rage, or other negative emotions. For me, it’s been an abundance of overthinking and emotional overload coupled with a strange paralysis and disorganisation: I have a long “to-do and want-to-do” list, but just cannot get a system in place to complete these tasks in an efficient manner. It’s so hit and miss most days as I wander from one activity to another, abandoning projects all over the house before returning to them later; it is an odd thing to have all the time in the world and yet feel incapable of doing anything productive with much of it because my brain is in a perpetual fog.
Some of my pebble and wood art projects, all gifted to dear friends.
While it’s not been easy for any of us, one of the gifts of 2020 has been that it has revealed people for who they really are. I have been on the receiving end of such generosity and kindness from neighbours who shared homemade goodies, garden harvests, the care of our pets, as well as some touching surprises from casual friends and acquaintances; this week, a lovely online pal bought me a ticket to Frank Turner’s livestream concert as a birthday treat, which was incredibly sweet and unexpected. Many friends and family have stayed connected in safe and ingenious ways to minimize our isolation from one another, and the weather cooperated so beautifully in the last six months to bring me outside most days to enjoy nature and keep myself healthy and active. On a less cheerful note, we didn’t get across to see our friends in Scotland back in May, nor head back to Iceland in October, or go off to the Caribbean this week; we plan to travel to those favourite spots next year, and I so look forward to hugging those we miss but love dearly. I didn’t find the inspiration for a return to novel writing, though making my stone and wood art and trying songwriting once again has brought me closer to figuring it all out. I lost a couple of really close relationships through conflicts I couldn’t even make sense of, but also struck up new friendships with people I hope to meet next summer, and rekindled old ones. We lost our beautiful boy Sirius in August, but were then blessed by the arrival of two new little black panthers from the same local rescue that brought our dog into our lives last year after losing Whiskey. The Cirque du Soleil continues in the house and they are wonderful little mischief makers with sweet temperaments. All in all, the gains have balanced the losses, and that makes them easier to accept.
Our little panthers, T'Challa and Magneto.
As we approach New Year’s Eve, I am cautiously optimistic that despite a rough few months ahead, spring is really just around the corner. I am grateful that those closest to me remain in good health and that some who have suffered the most in recent months are ending this last week on a gentle note and will surely thrive in the next year. Effective vaccines are on the way, and what we need now is a good dose of patience and vigilance to get to the finish line, which is not too far now. To all of you, I want to wish you a joyous and peaceful end to this most unusual year, and all the best for a healthy and happy 2021. As the Who famously sang, “Got a feeling ’21 is going to be a good year.”
