Empty Glass

I cannot believe it's February already.

2015 rolled in just a month ago with no great fanfare in our household. I've never been a huge fan of grand New Year's Eve soirées;  overpriced clubbing surrounded by drunk strangers hasn't appealed to me in over twenty years, and it's usually too cold to head towards the city centre for a collective countdown. We chose to go on a date to watch the final instalment of the Hobbit trilogy, indulging ourselves by booking the VIP adults-only section of the local theatre, which allowed us to sip wine in plush, wide reclining leather seats. It was a lovely night, and started the new year on the right foot.

So far, I have high hopes for 2015. The past few weeks have been ridiculously busy as school life has revved up, but I've not minded the buzz of activity because the bulk of reporting to parents is now behind me and I have regained much needed balance once again. I've embraced a new fitness regime that has me in the pool and at the gym five times a week, and the changes have given me energy and boosted my mood. I've also jumped back into writing my final novel in the series I started in 2011. Honestly. Truly. Really. Finally. I promise you, such an avalanche of adverbs will be edited out of the final product.

Getting back to writing fiction is a major step forward. It has been a huge struggle to find my voice again, but as my good friend Ron reminded me earlier tonight, "lots of life lived in between always helps the creativity."  I think he was being his very kind self in saying that, which I do appreciate so much from him.

He isn't wrong, though. For a writer, observation and introspection are likely ingrained habits, and it's certainly true in my case. Life experiences often become springboards for narratives, and while my plot outlines have long been set for the final instalment of my Behind Blue Eyes series, I do think some of the things that have happened to me in the last two years will add richness and realism to my story. That's not to say for one second that these insights have been worth the pain that anyone has gone through, including my own: I would throw away all my words if I could go back in time and make some of what I and others have endured disappear, but life is not like that and we must go through rough patches to appreciate the smooth ones (again, my friend Ron's words floating into my ears).

I'm learning to make peace with myself and I am looking forward to disappearing into my imagination once again. I think it's far healthier for me to relegate some of the last two years to my creative memory, where I can use any insights to bring a better story to the page. I'd rather have events from the past serve a constructive purpose than let them linger and fester like an old wound. Mind you, having resolved to detach myself and forget about certain matters doesn't mean anyone should expect secrets to be revealed in any passages that I write. That's really not how my brain works, and I would like to think that I am not so obvious or transparent in how I absorb life lessons. Rather, I hope to add empathy and understanding to the characters I've created by infusing them with some of the depths of my own experience. It will not erase the hurt I witnessed in others or felt personally, but hopefully it will allow it to dissipate so healing can take place.

The title of the last book will be Empty Glass, borrowed of course from Pete Townshend's solo catalogue. It has a specific meaning for the main character of the series, and for me, it is a positive phrase at this point. My glass is only empty because it needs refilling, and getting back to what gives me joy will do just that.