Determination and Stubbornness

Anyone who knows me well enough has heard me go on at some length at some point about what a classic Capricorn I am: stubborn, loyal, hard-working, and determined, if one is to believe the horoscope qualities attributed to my star sign. In the Chinese zodiac, I am a Tiger, which is also associated with bravery and strength, but thankfully also gives me the drive for adventure and spontaneity to break up that serious part of my goatish self.

Determined and stubborn are both qualities I possess in spades, as any unfortunate person I’ve ever locked horns with has witnessed all too well. I tend to dig in my heels when I sense I am right, and good luck prying them out of the dirt or mud if that’s the case. That said, I think being determined is largely a quality rather than a fault, and a conversation with a dear friend today reminded me of just how focussed I can be.

At the tail end of last summer, I got the most distressing text from my sister. I was far from home and climbing a beautiful mountain in southern Scotland at the time, and I could feel her panic in every word I read. She had injured her knee quite seriously, and there was great uncertainty as to what that meant exactly for her just a week from starting a new school year. I remember clearly wanting to go home because I was so worried about her. She spent September in a wheelchair, waiting patiently for an MRI to provide answers, moving herself to crutches and back driving by October, and then working hard through physiotherapy and her own strong will to get herself better and back on her feet by the end of November. The MRI confirmed there was no lasting injury, only the family curse of arthritis for which there was relief through a simple day procedure of an injection. Five and a half months later, I am happy to report that she is back exercising herself to her former strength, and getting fitter with each passing day. Her journey has been one of resilience and hard work, of stubbornness and determination, and I am so proud of her. Oh, did I mention that she too is a classic Capricorn?

My sister on the right; London, 2006.

She is the primary reason I embarked on my own journey to wellness in early September. Watching her struggle with the frustration of pain and a lack of mobility was like an alarm going off in my head: like my two siblings, I have arthritis in the knees and her injury made me aware that it could happen to me as easily as it did to her, and that as an older and heavier person, it was time to make a major change to my life. I’ve always been fit and healthy in a general sense (no heart, blood pressure issues, etc…) and I’ve not had self-esteem issues related to my plus size, and this has made finding any kind of motivation to lose weight rather difficult throughout my adult life. My sister’s injury changed all that and forced me to reconsider my complacency.

The changes were not easy in the beginning, but like all good plans, things came together because progress was gradual and manageable. I found an excellent phone app called My New Diary Pro to record and track my daily food intake as well as my physical activity. It became a matter of routine to add every item going into my mouth, as the app could scan barcodes and measure portions by weight. It gave me a target date and allowed for review when life got in the way of success (my December 26th target for the first 25 lbs became late January when we decided to take a weeklong vacation over the Christmas holidays and that too was okay!) and the proposed food limits were so natural and easy to reach most days that I never felt deprived.. In fact, I could have a glass of wine once or twice a week, and treat myself to something small but lovely like a piece of quality chocolate on a daily basis that it gave me the motivation to carry on. I also decided to weigh myself each morning at the same time so that I could determine my body’s natural rate of fluctuation, and this helped keep panic away when my weight had minor upward changes or those inevitable plateaus. Seeing the overall trend downwards gave me perspective and kept me motivated.

The exercise part of the plan was never going to be an issue as long as the body stayed healthy, which it thankfully did. I am energetic by nature (squirrelly according to some!) , and don’t find working out a chore at all. In fact, I love getting rid of tension by moving and therefore embraced the idea of doing it more vigorously. I was so lucky to have a schedule that allowed me to jump into the pool five to six times a week for some amazing Aquafit classes that would challenge me and yet be gentle to my arthritic pain. I am surrounded by a lovely group of bon-vivant types who love to laugh and socialize in between all the grunting and sweating, and the high level of fitness and dedication from those around me meant that our incredible instructor kicked everything up a few notches as we got better at doing her classes. I give her so much of the credit for motivating me to push myself out of my comfort zone and for giving us all such a variety of workouts. The combination of healthy eating and weight training under water has meant that I’ve toned my body as the fat started to fall off gradually.

So, here I am at five and a half months of this new regime, down 26 lbs and two dress/pants sizes, and still plugging away at it. I’ve no idea how much still needs to come off, though I suspect I will recognize a healthy weight and figure once I reach my goal. My hunch is that I’m halfway there, but muscle and fat are strange bedfellows and I’m happy to keep working myself down and seeing where this adventure takes me. I am happy to treat it as such because I am enjoying the process as much as I am happy to see the results in the mirror when I take what I call my “end-of-the-month gratuitous selfie,” which is another good motivational tool. I post my photo and then store it in a folder to track my progress, and am still in awe of the small but hopefully permanent changes. 

Before and after faces...

Aside from the physical improvements, what is equally important is that I feel so much lighter and stronger emotionally and mentally, and that I am as determined now on day 167 as I was on September 1st when I recorded the first entry of this journey towards a fitter me. The added joy for me now too is that I have my fellow Capricorn and partner of stubbornness and determination in the pool with me again.