Random Musings

It's report card season again but as is the norm for me when my deadline is still a week away, I'd much rather put things off and do writing of the more creative kind.

I've been back at school now for seven weeks, and seem to have found my groove finally. September was a slog, despite enjoying the new surroundings and the people (both big and small) that I am in close contact with. It dawned on me in mid-September that I was missing my butterfly days of August in Scotland,  gallivanting across the country and fluttering from one lovely meet-up to another, and that I needed to balance out the hard work of my job with the semblance of a social life to avoid sinking into another round of misery.

So far, so good, a month later. I've seen a couple of good concerts and managed dinners and drinks with close friends that I just don't see enough of. I'm resigned to the fact that we will likely not see each other again until the spring, in a few cases, and that's okay (see #2 below). As ever, as it is when friends and alcohol collide, such evenings leave me pensive. It's a mix of getting older and hearing different perspectives, I suppose, and I don't mind one bit that filling in some gaps about situations and people I care about often leads to reflection and eventually changes some of my thinking. It's certainly been the case the last two weeks, and I feel all the better for it.



In no particular order, here's what I've gleaned from being out and about:

1. I've realized that I miss my former colleagues and that if I don't make a concerted effort to see them, it will not happen. I don't want that.

2. I've been impatient and unreasonable with people I care about too often this year. Part of it was hormonal and an effect of my situational depression, but I'm ready to be better about this. I am grateful that those friendships endure and that I have the opportunity to fix past mistakes and errors in judgement.

3. Most of us are doing the best we can in the situations we are in, and it's essential to believe that about the people we care about, including ourselves. Sometimes, you need to receive certain information to realize that your mind is often your worst enemy and that you give it far too much power to imagine the worst in others when the best would likely be a truer representation of reality.

4. I've found, in this sharing of stories, that we seem to find it much easier to tell others how we feel than to let people know directly. Is it fear and insecurity that makes us dread or avoid telling someone how much we love them or have affection for them? I'm not sure, but it hit me this week how detrimental this reticence can be to our happiness. Go ahead, tell people you like them, and tell them often. It will make them smile and feel loved, and it will reflect back to you. Kindness is contagious, so pass it on.

5. Lest I get accused of being sappy or soppy, there is always room for criticism.  My emotional collapse earlier this year did me in physically, and I need to shed pounds and the past. It's time to hit the ground running, literally. Well, maybe not running because I hate running. Walking fast. With a big dog in front of me. Eyes forward, onward and upward.