There seems to be a growing realization that we as a society need to start taking mental health issues more seriously. My own school board is beginning to discuss the issue, to think about getting people with 'mental health first aid' skills into our schools to talk to both staff and students. About time, I say. For too long, people suffering with mental health problems have been dismissed, marginalized, or shamed.
For the first time since I was a rebellious, moody, and unhappy teenager, depression hit me this last winter. I have a long list of suspects for why this happened: the coldest and longest Toronto winter in memory, the onset of menopause, the lingering effects of work stress brought about by legislative changes to my profession and my board's recent obsession with standardized testing, and finally, the collapse of a close friendship that had lasted more than ten years until I helped destroy it.
It's now six months later, and the beginning of spring. We've still kept our winter car tires because we can't quite believe that Mother Nature doesn't have one final dumping reserved for us, but the tulips and crocuses are peeking out of the soil and the days are slowly getting warmer. In a couple of weeks, I might be convinced that the snow and ice will have disappeared permanently. The return of the sun and relative warmth (today's high of 9C is downright balmy compared to the -25s we saw for most of January and a good part of February) have lifted my mood, I've been given a placement for September that will keep me out of the testing grades, and I'm mending fences with the dear friend I hurt so horribly over the last year. As for the menopause, I'm not much for medicinal solutions, so I'm letting nature take its course, and looking for holistic remedies and strategies to keep myself from getting too defeated by the endless hot flashes, bouts of insomnia, and hyper mood kicks.
I solidly believe that my darkest days are behind me. I've resumed working on my novel in a serious way that has eluded me since last July, and I am pleased with my efforts so far, although the manuscript itself is rather a mess that will need many run-throughs. Strangely enough, I feel very positive that I will have it completed by the start of August, which is the current target. I've also made my physical well-being a priority, and can see and feel the difference in my body. Lastly, I know my mind is much stilled from the roller-coaster ride of highs and lows that alarmed a lot of close family and friends for the last few months. I am happier, calmer, and I am laughing more than I am crying or despairing these days.
I'd like to share what I've learned or observed in the hopes that I can pass something positive or meaningful forward to anyone else who is currently suffering with depression or who might face this issue in the future.
1. Try to be good to yourself: Eat well, get regular exercise, and allow yourself physical treats like a massage, or even a drop-in yoga class. Having a strong, healthy body helps you keep some energy when you feel deflated or drained.
2. Get outside as much as you can: Winter was brutally cold, but the best week I remember was the one I spent at an outdoor school camp with my class. We were dressed for the weather, the sun shone the entire week, and being "off the grid" and out in the glorious, bright snow was invigorating. This also brings me to #3.
3. Turn off or limit the electronics: It's easy to get caught in a cycle of constantly checking emails, Facebook, Twitter, and other social media, or chatting for long periods of time with online friends. There is nothing wrong with maintaining online friendships, indeed I have many dear people I've never met in person that I consider to be real and true friends. That said, there has to be a balance between sitting in front of a screen and enjoying the world around you, and it's a difficult one to establish and maintain. I took a vacation from social media at the end of March, and it made me feel much better. I was able to spend more time outside. Which brings me back to #2.
2. Get outside and stay out: The best advice I was given for fighting my insomnia was not the taking of herbal remedies, but to take daily walks outside in the early evening with my dog. Winter killed that habit because the salting of sidewalks made it too difficult for my shepherd's sensitive paw pads, but I've now got him back in the habit after I get home from school and it's been wonderful. We walk in the sun, enjoy the fresh air, and the exercise has been good for us. We both have nice legs as a result. It's also given me the chance to listen to a host of new musical discoveries as we take our nightly excursions around the neighbourhood. Which brings me to #4.
4. Listen to music you love: Music is life. I believe it is as essential as breathing to your well-being. Find a genre or two or three that you love, and let its magic surround you. There are few things more beautiful in the world than the sound of music, in my opinion.
5. Do the things you love: Reconnect with the things you are passionate about, whether it's writing, painting, sports, gardening, or cooking. Doing things you love will lift your mood, and keep you busy, which will stop you from letting your mind go to dark places. I spent the last two weekends getting my hands dirty in the soil of my back garden, and the smells, sights, and sounds of the natural world waking after the winter did wonders for my mood. I am slowing my pace so that I can stretch the preparation season a bit.
6. Surround yourself with wonderful people: As much as it is tempting to hide from the world, I found that doing that made things worse for me. It gave my mind the room to expand and concoct too many negative scenarios, and the isolation magnified my worries and my sadness. I know that many times I felt that I was a burden to others and that I didn't want to "bring them down" with my problems or issues, but what I learned from the people who cared about me is that they wanted to help. In hindsight, I appreciate that they kept knocking at my door to make sure I was alright. I also learned that often those who shared the tendency to be in the same dark places were often the first to recognize my sadness and then to offer help. Which brings me to #7.
7. Reach out to people who need you: It's been proven that reaching out and helping others is a factor in our own happiness. I know that for me, being able to listen and try to help others made me feel useful, wanted, and also helped lift me out of my sad moods because the focus on helping made me less self-indulgent. It also made me grateful for having a purpose and for not feeling so alone or unique in the world. I learned that you can never be too kind, even when others don't seem to want your attentions, because I also appreciated the kindness of others despite insisting I wanted solitude.
I'm sure I've forgotten items, but this is a good list for me to have started. Please feel free to add to it with any insights you might have. I know we are all different, and that my solutions are just my own experience and may not suit others. What I do hope is that they continue a dialogue between people on how we can all support each other and cheer each other on. We need more kindness in the world, I firmly believe.
I leave you with this. As Florence famously sang, it is always darkest before the dawn.
For the first time since I was a rebellious, moody, and unhappy teenager, depression hit me this last winter. I have a long list of suspects for why this happened: the coldest and longest Toronto winter in memory, the onset of menopause, the lingering effects of work stress brought about by legislative changes to my profession and my board's recent obsession with standardized testing, and finally, the collapse of a close friendship that had lasted more than ten years until I helped destroy it.
It's now six months later, and the beginning of spring. We've still kept our winter car tires because we can't quite believe that Mother Nature doesn't have one final dumping reserved for us, but the tulips and crocuses are peeking out of the soil and the days are slowly getting warmer. In a couple of weeks, I might be convinced that the snow and ice will have disappeared permanently. The return of the sun and relative warmth (today's high of 9C is downright balmy compared to the -25s we saw for most of January and a good part of February) have lifted my mood, I've been given a placement for September that will keep me out of the testing grades, and I'm mending fences with the dear friend I hurt so horribly over the last year. As for the menopause, I'm not much for medicinal solutions, so I'm letting nature take its course, and looking for holistic remedies and strategies to keep myself from getting too defeated by the endless hot flashes, bouts of insomnia, and hyper mood kicks.
I solidly believe that my darkest days are behind me. I've resumed working on my novel in a serious way that has eluded me since last July, and I am pleased with my efforts so far, although the manuscript itself is rather a mess that will need many run-throughs. Strangely enough, I feel very positive that I will have it completed by the start of August, which is the current target. I've also made my physical well-being a priority, and can see and feel the difference in my body. Lastly, I know my mind is much stilled from the roller-coaster ride of highs and lows that alarmed a lot of close family and friends for the last few months. I am happier, calmer, and I am laughing more than I am crying or despairing these days.
I'd like to share what I've learned or observed in the hopes that I can pass something positive or meaningful forward to anyone else who is currently suffering with depression or who might face this issue in the future.
1. Try to be good to yourself: Eat well, get regular exercise, and allow yourself physical treats like a massage, or even a drop-in yoga class. Having a strong, healthy body helps you keep some energy when you feel deflated or drained.
2. Get outside as much as you can: Winter was brutally cold, but the best week I remember was the one I spent at an outdoor school camp with my class. We were dressed for the weather, the sun shone the entire week, and being "off the grid" and out in the glorious, bright snow was invigorating. This also brings me to #3.
3. Turn off or limit the electronics: It's easy to get caught in a cycle of constantly checking emails, Facebook, Twitter, and other social media, or chatting for long periods of time with online friends. There is nothing wrong with maintaining online friendships, indeed I have many dear people I've never met in person that I consider to be real and true friends. That said, there has to be a balance between sitting in front of a screen and enjoying the world around you, and it's a difficult one to establish and maintain. I took a vacation from social media at the end of March, and it made me feel much better. I was able to spend more time outside. Which brings me back to #2.
2. Get outside and stay out: The best advice I was given for fighting my insomnia was not the taking of herbal remedies, but to take daily walks outside in the early evening with my dog. Winter killed that habit because the salting of sidewalks made it too difficult for my shepherd's sensitive paw pads, but I've now got him back in the habit after I get home from school and it's been wonderful. We walk in the sun, enjoy the fresh air, and the exercise has been good for us. We both have nice legs as a result. It's also given me the chance to listen to a host of new musical discoveries as we take our nightly excursions around the neighbourhood. Which brings me to #4.
4. Listen to music you love: Music is life. I believe it is as essential as breathing to your well-being. Find a genre or two or three that you love, and let its magic surround you. There are few things more beautiful in the world than the sound of music, in my opinion.
5. Do the things you love: Reconnect with the things you are passionate about, whether it's writing, painting, sports, gardening, or cooking. Doing things you love will lift your mood, and keep you busy, which will stop you from letting your mind go to dark places. I spent the last two weekends getting my hands dirty in the soil of my back garden, and the smells, sights, and sounds of the natural world waking after the winter did wonders for my mood. I am slowing my pace so that I can stretch the preparation season a bit.
6. Surround yourself with wonderful people: As much as it is tempting to hide from the world, I found that doing that made things worse for me. It gave my mind the room to expand and concoct too many negative scenarios, and the isolation magnified my worries and my sadness. I know that many times I felt that I was a burden to others and that I didn't want to "bring them down" with my problems or issues, but what I learned from the people who cared about me is that they wanted to help. In hindsight, I appreciate that they kept knocking at my door to make sure I was alright. I also learned that often those who shared the tendency to be in the same dark places were often the first to recognize my sadness and then to offer help. Which brings me to #7.
7. Reach out to people who need you: It's been proven that reaching out and helping others is a factor in our own happiness. I know that for me, being able to listen and try to help others made me feel useful, wanted, and also helped lift me out of my sad moods because the focus on helping made me less self-indulgent. It also made me grateful for having a purpose and for not feeling so alone or unique in the world. I learned that you can never be too kind, even when others don't seem to want your attentions, because I also appreciated the kindness of others despite insisting I wanted solitude.
I'm sure I've forgotten items, but this is a good list for me to have started. Please feel free to add to it with any insights you might have. I know we are all different, and that my solutions are just my own experience and may not suit others. What I do hope is that they continue a dialogue between people on how we can all support each other and cheer each other on. We need more kindness in the world, I firmly believe.
I leave you with this. As Florence famously sang, it is always darkest before the dawn.
8 comments:
I'm so glad, Anne Marie. I, for one, was worried. All your points are well worth taking note of…I need to watch out too...
Anne Marie - thank you for your words and your sharing. Missed you but understand why you needed to step away and it sounds like you have found some ways to celebrate and nurture yourself. All of us should take note of your example.
AM, Your list is an excellent guideline.
I can comment on the menopause, it truly is a bitch. It takes such a toll on our body and our minds. This alone can set life into a whirlwind of confusion that we cannot understand. It did for me.
I am so glad you have found a path to rediscovery. And are mending areas of your life, and are finding that peace.
I hope your school board tackles this issue with more serious and sustained sincerity than mine did: Inset days spent talking about “life work balance” were merely cynical tick boxes on senior manager target sheets, soon to be derided in subsequent mid-management appraisals.
I think a big danger today is Stress. Ironically something I felt I knew nothing of before leaving work, but have made its acquaintance since. I’m sure we all know “good stress”, striving to meet deadlines when the backdrop of life is good and the challenge is related to something one is normally keen to indulge in whether it be at work or in leisure time. But change that backdrop to an unhappy one, perhaps due to a personal loss, illness, or difficulties at work, then that hitherto enjoyable adventure becomes an arduous ordeal as the good gets mixed up with the bad. That’s when the mind gets caught in a loop, replaying time and again the ingredients of this confusing mix, but unable to reach either cause or solution.
With me it’s relationships. If a relationship ends it’s like the reason I ever painted anything was for that one (or two) person(s) who left. Like who cares about galleries and sales? And I stop. Then, before I now it, EVERYTHING is in “the mental mix”, and round and round it goes. Stress distorts one’s perspectives more than Salvador Dali ever could.
To add to your list, for anyone else who ventures here and finds themselves in similar situations, I have found these tricks useful:
1. Make a timetable
Remember how when you were a kid and you had Geography first thing but felt better cos your timetable said Drama in the afternoon? Do that now. Using plain black ink fill in those things you must do, like work hours, dentist, taking kids to school. (And yes, work is black ink no matter how much you think you enjoy it.) Then use a bright colour to tell yourself when you are going to listen to an album, read a few chapters, watch a DVD. (Listening to music whilst jogging doesn’t count. That’s two activities crammed into one, and you are short changing yourself once again.)
2. Print off a large plain calendar
Pin it on the wall where you can see it. Use plain black to block in those days (not evenings) you have no control over (work etc.) Then once again in bright colours write in those events you’re looking forward to: Meeting friends, cinema, a meal, concerts, holidays, etc.
Nobodies work / life balance can be 50 / 50. But if that calendar (timetable) isn’t a fairly colourful affair then best start making some bookings. For me the secret is “something to look forward to” plus a “sense of order” in the meantime.
Hi Anne Marie, I wondered where you had gone! Was dealing with my own much needed absence from social media and haven't had a moment to blog or even respond. That's a great list! I feel so out of sorts without being in nature. I spent some of my last months in Dorset arguing with service providers, it got me so stressed, I was white with anger. I disagree with our current 'cold' culture which marginalises honesty and kindness in favour of the almighty dollar or pound. Sometimes it is hard to detach from all of this and just take a break and sometimes that means disengaging.
String, the current trend in business of dispelling with real humanity and care in favour of targets and quotas is so harmful- to everyone, apart from being a waste, no worse, a theft of people's time and causes stress to everyone involved. My feeling is that in customer service in particular, far more got dealt with much more efficiently in the days when we took time to listen, ask real questions and give answers that satisfied everyone, first time! No wonder we have some much stress when we spend so much time just trying to get a decent answer to our problems.
And that leads us back to mental health…quality of care, not just processing people is what we need. Anne-Marie, you are so right to step back and give yourself some time out!
Okay, rant over…see, I am having some of these issues as well although am thankfully past the menopause nightmare.
Ian, I like your thinking too!
Thanks Val.
Beginning to think m m m my generation has its mid life crisis later than those who preceded us. :)
All of you who have commented here are reminders of an slower, gentler online time, when we made the effort to articulate our thoughts and form our opinions more cohesively than a lot of the nonsense I see now. God, I must sound old, but I despair sometimes at the lack of reflection, thoughtfulness and consideration between people. I'm a complete airhead at times too, but the lack of manners and empathy that I see creeping in online and out in the tangible world are often quite shocking to me.
Faster is not necessarily better or more efficient in the long run.
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